Center For Mediation & Collaborative Divorce

Divorce Over 50

admin — Mon, 07 May 2012 16:31:05 +0000

For Lucy, one of my clients over 50 going through divorce, the world seemed like a fast trip down the rabbit hole. Everything had changed. What was once the warm and loving home she had worked hard to create was now a threat and a burdensome expense to her soon-to-be ex. What was once a life that had revolved around her beloved children was now threatened with loss, destabilization and the reality of raising her three teenagers mostly by herself.

Lucy had spent the past 23 years doing all the right things, things she and her husband had figured out together. Now her husband was leaving her. She was heartbroken, worried about her kids and panicked about her financial future. She was 54 years old and felt her world was, quite suddenly, disintegrating. She had given so much, had invested her identity in the world of her family, and was now being asked to move along and deal with life as a single woman. She was now being told by her husband that she must get “re-educated” and “start working”. She had never expected her life to turn out this way.

Lucy is not alone. In my divorce practice I have seen increasing numbers of men and women in their ’50s and ’60s whose marriages are dissolving. For women, divorce over 50 can present unique challenges: financial, emotional, social, medical. These women are entering their new lives often on particularly treacherous ground.

For women who have stayed home, these challenges are even greater, heightened by the need for retraining or entry into a new career. Personal resiliency may be challenged — there may be health issues, depression or feelings of regret and resentment that don’t seem to go away. The fear of growing old alone may prevent a woman from thinking clearly about moving forward and her future needs. Having to sell the house and downsize may be particularly destabilizing. And how to fund the fast approaching retirement years, which a woman may have taken for granted during the marriage, looms as a gigantic and anxiety-provoking unknown.

In many states, spousal support, or alimony, is designed to act as a bridge to becoming self-supporting. This means that for a woman in her 50′s who has been out of the work force, the likelihood of a finite term of support, rather than support for life, is high. When this term of support ends, the reality of finding a job that will support her needs, never mind her marital lifestyle, is difficult and, in the current economy, likely impossible. It’s a tough situation for these women.

It is all the more critical for women to be realistic about their support needs when going through divorce. Careful planning is necessary to avoid an outcome that will leave a woman on the edge of a cliff in a few short years. These steps will help to ensure stability and security in the divorce outcome:

• Get the financial help you need. Work with a financial expert to educate yourself about what you’ll need now and in the years to come. Be clear about the future impact of the financial decisions you must make now.

• Get the emotional support you need. Divorce is a complex emotional process — for most, the death of something hugely important in their lives. Feelings of grief, anger and fear are the norm. Processing these emotions and reaching a place of greater self-understanding is possibly the most important work you will do in divorce.

• Consider which divorce process will best support your needs. Collaborative divorce, for example, offers comprehensive legal, financial and emotional support and keeps you out of court. You will be able to focus on what is important to you, and your children, in a personalized and in-depth way.

• Give yourself time. Marriages, particularly long term ones, cannot unravel overnight. You need to give the divorcing process the time it deserves. As one 58-year-old client said to me, “We were together 30 years — we’re not going to figure out our entire divorce in a few months.”

• Be compassionate to yourself. Allow yourself the space to repair the pieces that have been bruised in divorce. The courage to be self-forgiving and self-loving is a gift to yourself during and after divorce.

Collaboration a new alternative to divorce court

admin — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 16:54:48 +0000

For the past 10 years, a small group of New Orleans professionals has been taking divorcing couples to the mat.

Literally.

Mat training – which involves having two people communicate by assigning one to a “talking” mat and the other to a “listening” mat – is just one innovative tool in a new way to manage the dissolution of a marriage.

Collaborative divorce uses a team approach to walk through the complicated and often combative steps of separation. The couple never darkens a courtroom door, and there is no legal discovery, no litigation, no taking of depositions.

Instead, couples are guided through the divorce process with a team of mental health professionals, financial advisors and attorneys, who help them over legal, financial and emotional hurdles.

The concept, explains local attorney and collaborative divorce specialist Larry Hamric, began in the 1990s with Minnesota lawyer Stu Webb, who realized that divorce cases where lawyers worked together from the beginning to settle – rather than those that began with litigation and wound up settling – benefitted everyone. It was a novel idea – that the best divorce lawyers are the least contentious ones.

The first local training program in collaborative divorce came a decade later, with a seminar at Loyola University.

“We thought 30 or 40 people would be a good turnout, and instead we had 200,” says Hamric.

Now, about 15 local professionals belonging to the Collaborative Divorce Alliance of Greater New Orleans, all members of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP), work locally to help couples through the collaborative divorce process.

Here’s how it works. First, both spouses must voluntarily agree to engage in the process, by signing a binding contract agreeing to the collaborative format. That includes the stipulation that both will work on settling all issues and neither will take the other to court. Then, they are assigned a collaborative team, which consists of a lawyer and mental health professional (working as a coach) for each spouse, a neutral financial consultant, and, if there are children, a child specialist.

“Everybody has someone there to support them,” says family law attorney Susan Neathamer.

Husband and wife each meet with their personal mental health counselor and attorney, and both meet with the financial analyst. The child specialist acts as an advocate for the children, not only throughout the divorce, but well beyond.

“It’s all of the best and none of the bad of court, and it puts the children first,” says Hamlic. The collaborative process won’t work for every divorce, but for those who can manage it, it offers a better option than fighting everything out in a litigated court case.

All Collaborative Divorce Alliance members have had mediation training, and teams meet with the divorcing couple to discuss everything from custody to who gets the furniture. The emphasis, they say, is not on the “we,” but the “they,” with clients taking responsibility for their and their children’s needs.

“What we do is get out of the way,” says CPA and financial specialist Germaine Vorhoff. “There is so much that is not transparent in financials in the usual divorce. But with this, the spouses can both see what the financial picture is. It’s not me being the heavy.”

“A real lightbulb flash for me in this was the idea of triangulating,” adds Hamric. “In the usual divorce, each spouse often takes on the role as victim, with the other person being portrayed as attacker. Each then looks for a savior, who is the lawyer. It becomes, ‘Go talk to my lawyer,’ or, ‘I’m only doing what my lawyer told me.’ It’s a model of bad interaction and behavior, set up as an adversarial process.”

Lawyers by training often have trouble leaving that adversarial attitude behind. But the collaborative process depends on doing just that, and relying on communication, negotiation and mutual resolution of troublesome issues.

Thus, coaching devices like the special mats give couples communication tools, and also help to defuse the strong emotions of divorce. “It de-escalates the situation and helps them to deconstruct the issues,” says mental health professional Susan Noble. “We work with clients to enable them to deal with divorce by operating out of their best selves, rather than out of their anger or resentment.”

“Education is the cornerstone of what we do,” Neathamer says. And that, she explains, means not telling a client what to do, but asking what he or she wants to do.

“The language we use is, ‘How do you feel about that?’ As an attorney, I never did that before – sit down in a collaborative process in a four-way conversation with the other spouse and his or her attorney to work out solutions to tough issues.”

The financial specialist can help the divorcing couple resolve property and budget issues, while the child specialist interviews the children and sometimes even their teachers, acting as their spokesperson and helping parents ease the kids’ transition in the divorce. After all, the spouses may be breaking up, but the family is not: Maintaining relationships between parents and children for future events is an important cornerstone of the process.

“There’s a real paradigm shift in this process, with healthy parenting and co-parenting that may not have gone on before,” says licensed professional counselor Beth Gnuse.

The team meets monthly to talk over cases and problem-solve. “Debriefing a case is extremely helpful,” says New Orleans attorney Edith Morris. “It’s very helpful to be able to sit down with the other professionals and say, ‘I wish I had done so and so.’ That kind of post mortem never happens in the usual legal process.”

So what does a team of collaborative divorce professionals cost? It’s a lot less expensive than a traditional divorce, say its advocates. For one thing, mental health professionals serving as coaches generally charge less than lawyers, and, for another, there are costs associated with hearings, discovery of information, or court delays.

But collaborative divorce proponents say they are motivated more by the decrease in emotional costs to divorcing couples.

“I had one traditional divorce case in which the client had two nervous breakdowns,” says Vorhoff. “The collaborative process is a gift we can give to couples.”

Renee Peck is editor of NolaVie. For more information on NolaVie, go to nolavie.com.

DIVORCING? DON’T GET CAUGHT IN ‘PERFECT STORM’

admin — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 21:00:31 +0000

The recession has a greater impact on people older than 50 seeking a divorce, according to Linda Piff, a lawyer in Wall whose practice handles only collaborative and uncontested divorces, mediation and prenuptial agreements.

“It’s a perfect storm where elements beyond the control of the divorcing parties have come together,” Piff said. “A downturn in the economy, loss of value in their retirement assets and loss of equity in their homes.”

To navigate the storm, Piff advises her clients to be aware of the following recession realities and, with the help of a team of professionals, shows them how to compromise accordingly in the interest of both parties:

Retirement assets depreciated due to stock market downturn. “People over 50 have fewer years to invest and allow those assets to increase in value,” Piff said. “There’s a lot less time for a do-over of investment strategies when people divorce later in life.” If one spouse is collecting pension benefits and did not designate the other party as his or her survivor, that designation cannot be changed because they are getting divorced. “That presents a problem for the spouse who is left behind without a pension benefit,” said Piff. “People over 50 usually haveamore difficult time finding employment,” she said. “If one party is paying alimony and does not have life insurance, the dependent spouse would not receive any money upon the payor’s death,” Piff said. She pointed out that purchasing life insurance can be expensive as a person ages, particularly if the person has medical conditions.

Marital home has lost significant value. Piff said couples can avail themselves of a number of creative solutions to dealing with the real estate downturn when they agree to divorce collaboratively. “They can hold onto the home as business partners after the divorce until it appreciates, rent the home to meet the mortgage payments, do a short sale and not bring money to the closing, refinance before the divorce, or walk away (in a strategic default) if the home is so far under water that it would take them five to 10 years of putting money into the house in order to break even,” she said. Piff uses the services of a collaboratively trained Realtor, appraiser and even a “divorce lender” with Wells Fargo trained to handle refinancing for divorcing couples.

Health insurance. In some instances, continuation of coverage is handled by issuing an agreement of “divorce from bed and board,” which allows the entry of a judgment that technically continues the marriage yet the parties are legally divorced. “This is as close as New Jersey comes to granting a legal separation,” said Piff. She said a divorce from bed and board can only be obtained in an amicable, collaborative divorce. It cannot be part of a litigated determination by a court, but can allow continuing health care coverage under certain plans, COBRA coverage for three years, and coverage for qualified employees and their dependents covered under New Jersey small-employer health benefit plans.

Social Security benefits. “The magic number for Social Security is 10 years,” Piff said, referring to options that allow those married for at least 10 years to collect their spouse’s benefit, either as a survivor or as a partial benefit and later switch to their own earnings to collect a higher benefit. She helps explain the rules related to receiving Social Security benefits and how to divide up those benefits equitably. “It can be complicated,” Piff said, “but if somebody comes in wanting a divorce and tells me they’ve been married nine years and 10 months, I tell them to come back in two months.”

For those planning to remarry, Piff recommends a prenuptial agreement. “I tell them that if they ever marry without one, don’t come back to talk to me about it,” she said.

Pam Gallagher

Breaking up can be hard to do

admin — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 20:53:11 +0000

: Wall lawyer Linda Piff pioneered the practice of collaborative family law in New Jersey in 2005.

Divorce after 50 calls for some creative problem solving

By Pam Gallagher :: For NJ Press Media

Ending a marriage is never an easy decision, but divorce can be especially daunting for couples older than 50.

According to the National Center for Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University, the divorce rate for people older than 50 has doubled in the past 20 years, and baby boomers now account for roughly one in four divorces today in the U.S.

By the time they reach 50, many boomers are on their second or third marriages, and those are statistically less likely to last. Wall lawyer Linda Piff’s practice is devoted to mediation, collaborative divorce, uncontested divorce and matrimonial agreements.

She said irreconcilable differences are the grounds most commonly cited by the older couples whose divorces she handles.

“The children are away at college or have left home,” Piff said, “and activities and conversation are no longer centered around them.”

Piff said that is when some couples realize they no longer have much in common and that they have grown miles apart.

“This may be attributable to people living longer and wanting to live their senior years in a fulfilling way,” she said, and added that many boomers had their children later in life and are older than 65 when the kids graduate college or finally leave home.

Piff and a former colleague, attorney Jeff Horn, pioneered the “collaborative divorce” concept in 2005, when the ethics committee of the New Jersey Supreme Court gave them approval to practice collaborative law. Piff’s practice, the Center for Mediation and Collaborative Divorce, is now among more than 500 trained professionals including lawyers, accountants, financial planners and licensed mental health experts working in collaborative family law throughout New Jersey.

A collaborative divorce generally costs one-third the amount of a litigated divorce, and most can be accomplished within one to six months. The focus is on reachingamutually agreed upon settlement of all disputes by using a team approach instead of adversaries. Each spouse retains his or her own attorney, but the lawyers work together, with the couple retaining control of the process rather than handing over decisions about future financial arrangements to the courts.

Piff said in a collaborative divorce, creative problem solving replaces recrimination and revenge, fixing problems rather than fixing blame.

“Older couples want to continue to be involved in their children’s and grandchildren’s lives,” said Piff. “They need to be able to communicate post-divorce so they can both be present at family events and holidays.”

While custody usually is not an issue, Piff said many adult children take their parents’ divorce harder and tend to take sides.

“We encourage the parties to bring in a coach, licensed clinical social worker or mental health professional to make the children’s concerns a priority,” said Piff, who also has a background in social work.

We’re the Number One Favorite Family Law Blog in the 2012 Readers’ Choice Awards

admin — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 14:41:52 +0000

Congratulations . . . We won! The community we’ve built here at Forbes’ Divorce Dollars and Sense voted this blog the Number One Favorite Family Law Blog in the 2012 Readers’ Choice Awards. What an honor! I’m truly grateful.

In case you’re not familiar with the Readers’ Choice Awards, let me explain. The Readers’ Choice Awards is a reader-driven awards program designed to showcase the best products, features and services across a wide variety of topics. Administered by About.com, the program allows readers to vote for their favorites in different categories, ranging from technology to hobbies to sports. The winners were announced last week, and in the category of Favorite Family Law Blog, Divorce Dollars and Sense finished in first place.

Thank you.

I am sincerely honored to receive this recognition. Clearly, my message is resonating, and more women are beginning to realize that during divorce, it’s critical to Think Financially, Not Emotionally®. I started this blog to help women who need trustworthy financial advice before, during and after their divorce, and I’m thrilled to see my efforts succeeding. Readership is growing, and divorcing women are learning they can take confident steps towards a secure financial future.

What’s next?

I’m looking ahead to even more discussion in the months ahead. As always, my plan is to provide important information on the financial aspects of divorce, so women can better navigate the process and hopefully, achieve a more successful divorce settlement. For example, over the next few weeks, you’ll see a post about the four most common divorce alternatives (Do-It-Yourself, Mediation, Collaborative Divorce and Litigation) and then one that deep dives into the nitty-gritty of Financial Affadavits (known by different terminology in different states — in New York, for instance, a financial affidavit is called a Statement of Net Worth; in New Jersey, it’s known as a Case Information Statement; and the courts in Utah call a financial affidavit a Financial Declaration).

I’m also curious about your ideas. Which subjects would you like to learn more about? Please leave me your suggestions in the comment section below, or send me an email with your thoughts.

Again, many thanks for your support. I’m thrilled that Divorce Dollars and Sense was voted the Number One Favorite Family Law Blog in the 2012 Readers’ Choice Awards, and I look forward to continued success in the future.

—————————————————————————————

Jeffrey A. Landers, CDFA™ is a Divorce Financial Strategist™ and the founder of Bedrock Divorce Advisors, LLC (http://www.BedrockDivorce.com ), a firm which exclusively advises affluent women throughout the United States before, during and after divorce. He assists women and their divorce attorneys with deciding on the most advantageous way to divide marital assets and enable them to negotiate more favorable settlements, especially when there are complicated financial and tax issues.

Jeff also advises happily married women who have seen their friends blindsided by a divorce initiated by their husbands and wonder (wisely) how financially vulnerable they’d be in that situation. Jeff developed the nation’s first Just in Case(TM): Secure Your Financial Future, a one-hour program, which quickly shows married women how to be prepared in the event of a future divorce with immediate, practical steps. He can be reached at Landers@BedrockDivorce.com.

All articles/blog posts are for informational purposes only, and do not constitute legal advice. If you require legal advice, retain a lawyer licensed in your jurisdiction. The opinions expressed are solely those of the author, who is not an attorney.

Follow Jeffrey A. Landers on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Bedrock_Divorce

Collaborative Law & Mediation Offices of Katherine Eisold Miller Names Ani …

admin — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 13:14:56 +0000

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Ani Mason

Family conflict is comprised of many elements—legal, financial, emotional—and Ani is committed to providing her clients with divorce options that address the full spectrum of their goals and concerns, as holistically as possible

(PRWEB) April 03, 2012

In a move that will expand the ability to offer constructive, intelligent solutions for the entire range of family law issues, the Collaborative Law Mediation Offices of Katherine Eisold Miller has announced that Ani Mason has joined the firm as an Associate.

An experienced family lawyer, Ani serves clients who are seeking less destructive options for divorcing, including collaborative law and mediation. “Family conflict is comprised of many elements—legal, financial, emotional—and Ani is committed to providing her clients with divorce options that address the full spectrum of their goals and concerns, as holistically as possible,” said Katherine Eisold Miller, founder of the Westchester divorce firm. “Her approach is to demystify the law and explain legal concepts in understandable terms so that people, who, with help, can be the true experts in how best to resolve their conflict, have all the information and tools they need to make the right decisions about their future.”

In her previous practice as a divorce litigator, Ani developed expertise in managing high conflict, high-emotion cases, and helping spouses relate productively where communication was particularly strained. She has assisted clients in acute crises and those facing time-sensitive needs relating to their divorce. Ani is bilingual in Spanish and has extensive experience working internationally as well as with foreign-born populations in New York. A year of psychoanalytic training and social work classes in addition to her law degree give Ani unique insights into how legal, financial, emotional and practical considerations intermingle in clients’ actual experience of divorce. Ani approaches her work with clients cognizant of that reality and equipped to process her clients’ concerns, goals and options through multiple lenses.

Ani graduated cum laude from Princeton University and New York University School of Law, where she was a Sinsheimer Scholar within the Root-Tilden-Kern program. Ani has held a Fulbright Fellowship and a Skadden Fellowship.

Prior to joining Katherine Eisold Miller Collaborative Law Mediation Offices, Ani practiced at Legal Services NYC as a divorce litigator. Throughout her tenure there, she worked to design and develop a Family Divorce Mediation Project. Ani also helped to arrange mediation and collaborative law trainings for divorce litigators at non-profit organizations around NYC, and she co-chaired and facilitated a panel focusing on the potential use of mediation and collaborative law in cases with some history of domestic violence.

About the firm
The Westchester divorce law firm of Katherine Eisold Miller Collaborative Law Mediation Offices builds upon 25 years of experience in understanding the emotional complexity of divorce and other family law disputes, including custody and support issues, distribution of marital property, and premarital agreements. Utilizing collaboration and compromise they offer constructive and intelligent solutions and work to achieve fair and durable results for client in a non-adversarial approach. More information on the firm can be found at http://www.westchesterfamilylaw.com/firm-overview/

One-Stop Shop for Divorce—Lawyers to Matchmakers

admin — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 19:49:58 +0000

In the same way that brides consult 1,000 people along their path to bliss, from cake makers to DJs, divorcing couples have a ton of people to meet as they disembark from their marital joy ride.

Enter “Start Over Smart,” a divorce expo that took place in New York City over the weekend. It was a lot like a bridal expo — only with less cake and more lawyers.

The expo was the brainchild of Francine Baras and Nicole Baras Feuer, a mother-daughter team who have both been touched by divorce. Baras was the child of divorce at a time when it was really a scarlet letter, even for the children. Some of the other children weren’t allowed to play with her. She is now a child and family therapist. Baras Feuer is a professional mediator who herself has been through divorce.

“Bridal magazines are all over the place. There’s no divorce magazine, no divorce community, so a lot of people just rely on information from their attorney,” Baras Feuer said. She and her mom had already started writing a book to help guide divorcees through the process when they heard about a divorce expo in Paris. They spoke with their publisher and realized starting an expo here in the U.S. made sense — to gather even more information before they wrote their book.

The divorce expo was a two-day affair that included a wide variety of panel discussions, from guidelines for parents and divorce for Baby Boomers to how to get back in the dating game and sex after divorce.

(Hey, now don’t get squeamish on me — If you’ve been with the same person for five, 10 or 20 years, you’re going to need a few tips. Your waistline is different now, your hairline is different, your dating pool is different — and dating is different.)

There were about 40 exhibitors that ran the gamut, including lawyers, financial advisers, therapists, life coaches, dieticians, anti-aging companies, a hair stylist to the stars, a matchmaker and even a woman who will help you investigate a future date.

Morgan Stanley
[MS Loading... () ]had a booth, with a glossy brochure that said, “Weathering Divorce,” as did a woman who, for $500, will hold a “divorce ceremony,” where you write words that remind you of your ex on a piece of paper and then burn them to help you move on.

“People often don’t know the questions to ask about finances when they get a divorce,” said Mark Seruya, financial advisor with Morgan Stanley. “People wind up getting referrals from parents or friends. Your father’s financial adviser might not be the right fit,” he said. “It’s a fragmented market. We want to be one of the go-to teams in the divorce industry.”

Evidence that people really don’t know the right questions to ask a financial adviser: Seruya said one of the strangest questions he got all day was, “Can you hire a detective to scour my ex’s emails?”

Indeed, you can hire a detective to investigate your ex or or your future date — for instance, someone like Maria Coder of InvestiDate, who also had a booth there — but Seruya clarified that you don’t need to go through Morgan Stanley to do it!

And guys, if you’re wondering where all the single ladies are, we found ‘em — the Divorce Expo was a total cougar party! The breakdown was about 70 percent female to 30 percent male. Even the panel discussion, “Getting to the Other Side of Divorce: For Men,” had more women than men attending. And, c’mon, that makes sense: Ladies, not men, stop and ask for directions when they’re driving — divorce is no exception! Divorce is a lot harder than, say, going camping.

Just before that panel for men started, a woman in flowing black pants and a rhinestone belt reached across the aisle, smiled demurely, and handed a man her card.

A second marriage in progress?

Nope — she was a lawyer looking for business in the man panel.

Having all those lawyers around all these vulnerable people/potential clients made for an interesting mix.

In the panel discussion, “Litigation, Mediation Collaborative Divorce,” the litigator introduced herself by saying, “I’m not the wicked witch of the West!” catching the audience off guard. Even the former family court judge moderating that panel, after hearing “threat of court” one too many times, eventually said, “I’m dismayed to think for 23 years I was a threat not a promise … I don’t want to leave you with the impression there’s an ogre under the black robe!”

Cougars, witches and ogres … oh my!

That panel alone, which felt at times like a simulated divorce court, was evidence of how tough divorce can be and why there is big demand for an expo like this.

“Getting divorced is much harder than getting married,” Baras Feuer said. “When you’re getting married, you have so much love and attention around you — and people know what to say,” she said. “ Getting divorced can be very isolating.”

She said as soon as she started telling people about her own divorce, she became the go-to person for relationship and divorce advice.

“I became the Dear Abby of divorce!” she quipped.

To be clear, Baras Feuer said, they’re not advocating divorce — they’re simply offering information under one roof because so much of it can be confusing.

“We provide all the resources, information and support you need for going through your divorce and creating your post-divorce family, your post-divorce life,” she said.

The event was such a hit, they hope to replicate it in other cities.

“If you know the right way to get divorced it can be not so bad,” she said.

Indeed, while some of the raw emotion of divorce was palpable, there were some moments of levity.

Matchmaker Amy Laurent opened her presentation about getting back into the dating scene with C-Lo Greene’s “Forget You!” blasting, and offered some amusing tips, including, “You want to know where all the eligible men are? Get off your couch. They’re not circling your apartment!” Afterwards, she hosted a cocktail party to help people mingle.

Jewelry maker Kimberly Pauley, sitting between booths for the hairstylist to the stars and Ageloc anti-aging treatments and antioxidant supplements, makes necklaces and rings with fun sayings on them. For the expo, she created a special band that said, “Trade Up” — yep, to replace your wedding band!

And the mediator in the “Litigation, Mediation Collaborative Divorce” panel offered this joke:

In a radio conversation between a U.S. Naval ship and Canadians, the Canadians say please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision. The ship replies, please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. They keep trading commands like this. As the tension escalates, someone from the ship yells, “This is a U.S. aircraft carrier, divert your course!” The Canadians reply, “This is a lighthouse — your call.”

Yep, that pretty much sums up divorce!

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The Rhythm of Love

admin — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 15:54:02 +0000

We lawyers are very familiar with the statistics–nearly everywhere where divorce is freely available, half of all marriages, more or less, will end in divorce. The statistics are even more daunting where I live and work, Marin County, California, where 57% of all married people can expect to experience at least one divorce. For its Valentines’ Day issue, Marin Magazine (an excellent glossy publication that provides a clear window on contemporary life in a locale that used to be known for its hot tubs and peacock feathers back in the ’70′s) has published a lovely article on being single, married, and divorced in Marin. The author, Megan Pickett, interviewed me in depth about collaborative practice and highlighted it in her article as the way to divorce if your marriage must end. Megan did a fine job of capturing the essential importance of our work. I’m grateful to her for making this information available in such a high profile way to readers of Marin Magazine. Check it out. And, Happy Valentine’s Day. Click here to read the article

Celebrity divorces and the issues that affect you

admin — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 00:06:15 +0000

January is a notoriously rocky period for couples – with divorce rates rocketing after the stress of the festivities and a fresh start in the New Year highlighting problems they’d been trying to hide. Partner and head of family law at Berry Smith, Katie McColgan, says real-life couples can learn from recent high-profile marriages gone bad, and offers her expert advice on the practical issues facing those who’ve decided to end it for good … Celebrity couple: Katy Perry and Russell Brand – the shared properties Background: Following 14 months of marriage, Brand filed for divorce from Perry on December 30, 2011, citing “irreconcilable differences”. The couple purchased a $6.5m, Hollywood Hills mansion together a few months ago. The California Gurls singer currently retains the property, while moving vans were spotted transporting the British comedian’s possessions out. Potential issue: Legal conflict involved with splitting assets, such as multiple properties, where the marriage is short and the parties bring different assets and income to the marriage. Advice: Where matters can be agreed on, either through negotiation, mediation or collaborative law (a new process whereby the clients and lawyers meet regularly to resolve issues openly and amicably without escalating to court-proceedings), then a financial agreement can be simply rubber stamped by the court without the attendance of either party, after the divorce is granted. In the UK, financial assets, including income, capital and pensions, are divided using the following criteria: Present and future needs, resources and earning capacity of both parties, ages, length of marriage, contributions of both to family finances, pensions, health, care of children, conduct (where exceptional). Katie says: There are no hard and fast rules about how assets are divided and who pays who what money, except in relation to the children, where the Child Support Agency lays out very clear rules, and each case will be judged on its own merits. However, where marriages are short and there are no prenuptial agreements, children or other important aspects to consider, it’s usual for the courts to try to put the parties back in the same position as they were before the marriage and only to divide up the assets accumulated together. Celebrity couple: Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony – the custody issue Background: Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony announced their split after seven years of marriage on July 15, 2011. Anthony and Lopez share three-year-old twins, Max and Emme. The couple initially agreed to Lopez having primary care until she started a new relationship with 24-year-old Casper Smart. Anthony is now apparently seeking joint care. Potential issue: As with Lopez and Anthony, issues facing couples with children include child residence and contact. Whether deciding the initial caring arrangements or modifying these arrangements in response to changes in either parent’s life, particularly the introduction of a new partner, these issues can greatly complicate a divorce. Advice: It is vital to make the process of coming to an agreement as smooth as possible to protect the children in question and, as far as possible, shield them from the conflict surrounding them. It is clear that children cope better with a divorce where their parents are civil to each other and they are able to continue having good contact with both parents. Katie says: In the UK, no orders regarding children are automatically made on divorce. A “Statement of Arrangements” must be filed detailing agreements regarding what will happen to the children. This form is available from your local court and can be completed with the aid of a family law solicitor. Ideally both parties should sign this form, designed to facilitate a discussion and hopefully an agreement about their children. If this fails, the parents can apply to the court to resolve the issue, where they will make decisions based on the welfare of the child. The courts like to uphold the status quo as far as possible and where a parent seeks change of residence, they must demonstrate that the benefits of change outweigh the upheaval involved. Celebrity couple: Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore – the pre-nup Background: Moore announced the end of her six-year marriage to Kutcher after filing for divorce on 17 November 2011. A pre-nup was signed by the couple to protect Moore’s fortune. However, during the marriage rising star Kutcher out-earned the Ghost actress. The split was confirmed amid speculation of Kutcher’s infidelity and Moore is apparently now preparing for a legal fight to take some of Kutcher’s money. Potential issue: How can the earnings of one party be protected from the other? What rights does the spouse have to money made when married? Pre-nuptial agreements have not, historically, in the UK been considered legally binding although they are being given more and more weight these days. Advice: Significant changes have been made to the approach of the courts when ruling on the division of assets in divorce. In general, “matrimonial property” (wealth generated during the marriage) is regarded as warranting an approximately equal division, and non-matrimonial property (which is brought into the marriage or created independently after it ceases) may be deemed, depending on needs, to belong to the person introducing or creating it. There has also been a significant increase in pre-nuptial agreements in the UK. Pre-nuptial agreements can provide a means of protecting pre-marriage assets, inheritance, and existing family commitments, such as children from a previous marriage. Legally, once married all of these assets become available for consideration by the court. While a prenuptial agreement is still not guaranteed to be legally binding, it is currently the best means possible when trying to protect assets in the event of a divorce. Katie says: For couples who are already married, particularly those with children, drawing up a post-nuptial agreement, which is agreed upon by both as being a fair statement of their wishes, can also potentially prevent harmful stress in the event that the relationship turns sour. Divorce specialist, Katie, has worked in family law for 25 years, visit www.berrysmith.com or contact 029 2034 5511. ‘); tm.siteLife.daapi.getArticle( “54-91466-30183763″, function(article){ tm.siteLife.display.displayCommentCount( article, ‘sitelife-commentsWidget-middle’, false, ‘Comments’, true, false ); } ); })();//call anonymous function //]]

Plan NOW! National Marriage Week USA (Feb. 7-14)

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